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Archive for August, 2011

Not Just Any Old Sack!

That’s Tom Effing Brady going down under about 300 pounds of Detroit lineman–Cliff Avril, to be exact.

The Lions beat the snot out of the Patriots last night and Brady took something of a whuppin’ in the process.   He was sacked twice, hurried often, and knocked down twice by one N. Suh.

Now Tom Brady is not just any old football player.  He was voted the best player in the NFL by the players.  He has won several Super Bowls, and with him at QB the Patriots are nearly always in the postseason.  Tom is also a very good looking guy (I’m sure there are pix all over the net if you want to verify that statement) and he is married to some beautiful model and no doubt they have model children.

So it was a great pleasure for me to watch the team formerly known as the Loser Lions romp all over the Pats last night.  Suh said afterward that even though Brady didn’t say “Leave me alone!” out loud, it was apparent from his body language that he was not a happy camper.  This was obvious even to viewers a lot less close to the action than Suh.

I wouldn’t want to be a member of Brady’s offensive line today.

I wonder if the Patriots were able to get home after the game, or if they had to stay in Detroit because of that other hurricane.

P. S. The Lions are now 3-0 in preseason play.

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Looks like poor little Timmy Tebow will never be an NFL quarterback.  He is now the fourth-string QB at Denver, and the only position lower than that is becoming the Gatorade guy for the defensive line.   I guess he’s been skipping his prayer sessions or something.  Or maybe he’s just too vain (or too stupid) to listen and learn from his coaches?

According to The Onion, even the Great Sportswriter in the Sky has given up on Timmy:

DENVER—Jesus Christ, noted Son of God and football analyst proclaimed Monday that second-year Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow lacks the pocket presence, arm strength, and passing accuracy necessary to be a starter in the NFL. “Tim’s place is at the right hand of the other backups on the bench, and his earthly works show that he deserves to dwell there all the days of his life,” said Lord and Savior of all mankind, adding, ““It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for Tim Tebow to complete a pass against the Cover-2”. “For Tebow must have faith in coach Fox’s plan, and pay his dues by wearing the headset, and by calling in plays from the clipboard while watching from the sidelines.” Christ also asked Tebow to stop praying to Him and asking to be made the number one quarterback in the depth chart, claiming “that’s never going to fucking happen.”

I know it’s not nice to kick people when they’re down.  But if you read the fine print on that rule, it excepts asshole Christians who try to convert the world to anti-abortionism during a Super Bowl commercial.

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East Coast All Shook Up

I know earthquakes are nothing to joke about.  But the way national news organizations are carrying on about the 5.8 that shook the east coast this afternoon, you’d think Long Island had slid into the ocean.  I imagine Californians laughing their asses off.

Best lines I heard were from Keith Olberman:   “The quake’s epicenter was in Eric Cantor’s district!”

Apparently Fox News hastened to warn viewers that no tsunamis were forecast.  Keith’s response to that piece of non-news:   “What about Mothra?”

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Irony At Work

This photo shows Ndamukong Suh about to make one of his five sacks of Colt McCoy in the infamous 2009 Nebraska-Texas Big 12 Championship game.  That was the game where the officials put a second back on the clock so Texas could kick a field goal and win the game.  At the very moment the stadium clock showed that the game was over, Suh sacked McCoy (again) as the Texas QB  ran backward trying to find someone, anyone, to whom he could pass the ball.   Suh said later that had he known the clock was in error, he would have waited another second to sack the QB.

If Nebraska had won that game they would have kept Texas out of the National Championship game, where they were handily shellacked by Alabama, which was unstoppable that year.  McCoy could have saved his team that embarrassment by running around for another second until Suh decided to sack him.

Suh’s performance in that game, which was nationally televised, probably elevated  him to Heisman consideration, and it probably cost McCoy a Heisman nod as well.  During the draft, Suh was picked second, and poor old McCoy waited nearly two days until the Browns picked him up.

So all in all, the last thing Colt McCoy probably wants to see when he surveys an opposing defensive line is this:

All this was in my mind last night as I watched the Detroit Lions play the Cleveland Browns.   Guess who plays defensive tackle for the Lions, and who plays QB for the Browns?   I held my breath on every play as I waited for Suh to break through the double teaming Cleveland was using against him so he could SACK MCCOY!   I maybe even yelled that out loud as Suh chased McCoy until he scampered safely out of bounds.  Sadly, the Browns protect their QB better than the Texas line did, and Suh only got close that once.

Yeah I know–two years is a long time to hold a grudge about a football game.  But it was TEXAS, for crikey sake.

In other news, the Repulsive tells me that this was the hottest August on record.  The average temp was 97.6.  Now if you consider that morning lows average somewhere around 85, you get an idea of what we’re living through down here in meth city.

Grump, grump.

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In Re

Our conversation yesterday, I give you Manti Te’o, who plays defense for Notre Dame:

Manti is 6 feet, two inches tall and weighs 255 pounds.  He hails from Hawaii (Ponahou High School), and he has been named to the first team of College All-Americans for 2011.

I note, just in passing, that three Nebraska players made the All-America team.

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I’ve been recording episodes of season 4 of True Blood but haven’t watched until last night, when a bout of insomnia led me to check the list of recorded stuff on my DVR.  I assumed that watching The Road would not be a good choice for 2 am, so opted for TB instead.   And was I ever pleasantly surprised!   The show has kept its kinky sense of humor even though it has followed Charlaine Harris into the fae wilderness into which she fell in her later books, cluttering them up with fairies, werewolves, and witches.   And as a second (quite) redeeming feature, the the show is just stuffed with male pulchritude (so to speak).

Second point first:  There are the gorgeous vampires Eric Northman and Bill Compton, pictured next to Sookie Stackhouse, above.   There is also Jason, Sookie’s brother, who spends most of the first few eps this season tied to a bed, shirtless, while female werepanthers try to get pregnant by him (now there’s a nice reversal).   There is Sam Merlotte, a shapeshifter, whose predilection offers the opportunity for him to shed his clothes at least once nightly.  And most scrumptious of all is Alcide Herveaux, a werewolf, whose nature also requires that he appear nude at least once in every show:

There are plenty of beautiful women on the show as well, for those so inclined, and plenty of sex, too (it wouldn’t be HBO without sex and nudity, after all.  I wonder if that’s why the channel always gets to many emmy nominations?)

As for the witches and fairies, they are as big a distraction as they are in the novels, as if the saga of vampires trying to come out to humans isn’t a juicy enough story all by itself.   But the HBO writers were apparently aware that these other fey creatures are not exactly as much fun as the vamps, so they’ve added some spice to their scenes.  For example, Eric the vampire comes upon Sookie standing on her front porch in the middle of the night, speaking to a fairy.  Thinking that the fairy is menacing Sookie, he hauls off and bites her, and she dries up and blows away.

Sookie:   Eric!  You’ve just killed my fairy godmother!

Eric:  (looking up, mouth covered in blood)   Oh.  Sorry!

I know you are tired of vampires, Trep, and that you are looking for some uplifting fantasy/scifi to read.  Happy to report that NPR has a list, chosen by fans, of the 100 best such books.   I think you might like some of the stuff listed there.   Or you could just reread LOTR, as I am doing when the critters who populate Bon Temps, Louisiana, get to be a bit much for me.

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As we’ve many times suspected, there seems to be a strong current of common sense in the American public that goes undetected by the media soundbite outrage radar.  Because we don’t often see it noted, it’s easy to forget, or even wonder if, it’s really there.  This is reassuring:  Survey’s surprising finding: tea party less popular than atheists and Muslims.  (I guess you just don’t make that good an impression when you call people who don’t agree with you morans.)

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